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Old 03-08-2011, 10:50 AM
snakewispera snr's Avatar
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Default Jokes you can tell your maiden aunt....

A duck walks into a bar and sits on a stool, picks up the menu and orders a ham sandwich and a beer. The bar man makes conversation with the duck asking him what he is doing in the bar. The duck tells him he is working down the road at the local building site, and it's his lunch hour.
This goes on all week, the duck ordering a sandwich and a beer in his lunch hour.
About a week later a guy comes into the bar and asks the bar man if he can put up a poster for a circus that is coming to town in a few weeks....
The bar man tells him he can do better than that and proceeds to tell the guy about the duck, 'well' says the guy 'that would be a real attraction, a talking duck that drinks beer. People would love to see that, have a word with the duck when he comes in'
That lunch time the duck turns up for his lunch break...
The bar man turns to the duck straight away and tells him about the circus and informs him they are really interested in employing him...
The duck looks puzzled for a while and turns to the bar man...
'Circus', he says, 'sawdust floors?'
'Yes' says the barman.
'And canvas sides?' says the duck
'Yes', says the bar man.
'So why', says the duck, 'do they need a plasterer ?'
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Every stick is a boomerang............ If you throw it straight up.
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Old 03-08-2011, 11:06 AM
snakewispera snr's Avatar
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Default

A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new
girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a
considerable distance away.

He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a
pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic
and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a
dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of
knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items,
the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Good old Ron sent off
his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:

Dear Kate,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go
out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen
the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to
remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly
soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to
wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many
other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they
will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love
Ron.

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with
a little bit of fur showing
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The frog at the bottom of the well thinks the sky is only as big as a bucket
Every stick is a boomerang............ If you throw it straight up.
.... Captive bred on Fb..
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